Pence Grateful That Plexiglass Shield at Debate Will Protect Him from Woman

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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Mike Pence said that he was “extremely grateful” that the organizers of Wednesday night’s Vice-Presidential debate would be providing a plexiglass shield to protect him from a woman.

Speaking to reporters, Pence said that the Commission on Presidential Debates had taken “appropriate measures” to shield him from exposure to a female during the Salt Lake City face-off.

“I’ve read all the relevant literature, and from what I’ve learned a plexiglass shield provides adequate protection from a woman,” he said. “Knowing that this barrier exists between me and a member of the opposite sex, I feel comfortable about moving forward with the debate.”

The Vice-President added that, if he makes it through Wednesday’s debate without being exposed to a woman, he may start bringing a portable plexiglass shield with him on the campaign trail.

“Despite all of my precautions, in my travels across this great land of ours I have unfortunately encountered women,” Pence said. “Plexiglass might be the answer.”

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